Why you should not swear
by GarGoyl
Summary: Just thought of adding the missing M-rated scenes in the otherwise T-rated "A Sinister Fairytale", from chapters 5 and 8 - Evil!America/Vampire!Romania. If you haven't read the respective crack, it's just as good as two-shots PWP…Warnings: yaoi, slight non-con, reference of abuse, heavy swearing
1. Chapter 1

**WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SWEAR**

_**Our favorite vampire has the unfortunate habit of swearing a lot and he's even uninspired enough to say 'Fuck me!' in the presence of his Master…. So this is a typical example of how to say something figuratively and to get it literally **_

_**~CHAPTER 5 missing fragment~**_

* * *

Right the next second, the door slammed open in one swift, thundering movement. "Hey dude! It's not like I'm intruding or anything, right?"

_Not at all, not at all… _the vampire thought, rolling his eyes inwardly.

"Anyway," Alfred said, flashing a stupid smile, "I was curious about one thing and I forgot to check, you know, earlier" he added drawing closer.

"And what would that be, Master?" the vampire managed to ask before the blonde reached and unbuttoned his shirt, eagerly examining his bare skin.

"Aw, dude, you don't sparkle!" he exclaimed disappointed. "That's so not awesome!"

Dragos struggled to find something to say, possibly an excuse, but before he could come up with any, the hyperactive American's attention was already drawn elsewhere.

"Oh but this is totally awesome! I totally want to try this!" he said walking to the open coffin and laying down inside, looking all thrilled.

_Being dead is awesome too, wouldn't you like to try that as well?_ the Romanian was about to say, but a flash of pain to his side advised him differently, so he remained silent.

"So…" Alfred then said, in a lower voice, settling himself in better. "I guess it's kinda true what they say, that you're more inclined to take people to 'dinner' than to your bed, huh!"

"What?"

But then Dragos remembered, his gaze trailing to the pillows and bed sheets Alfred was getting himself so comfortable onto._ White silk. __Ugh! _But that did not mean...

"Get over here," the American said with a smirk, impatiently patting the place next to him.

The vampire stood up slowly and shot a worried glance towards the closed coffin he'd been sitting on before he eventually complied. However, he didn't get much time to think about how damned awkward that had sounded, since it almost instantly got way more so.

"So, I guess you don't like me much, now do you?" Alfred reckoned. "Oh, I know… we are mean to you, hell I even beat you and we keep you hungry most of the time, but…" He paused, pulling closer to the apparently unimpressed servant, and slipped a gloved hand under his already open shirt, tracing his spine with his fingertips. "But you're not very good yourself, are you, little imp… No, you're always so rebellious and cheeky…"

He leaned in even closer to check for any signs of blush on the Romanian's pale, unearthly handsome face. But what do you know, vampires don't blush, just like they don't sparkle…

"Yes but you like it" the vampire whispered, confirming the American's statement. _Shouldn't have said that, shouldn't have said that, shouldn't have said that, damn it! _He had truly intended it to sound cheeky and defying, but much to his chagrin it came out rather… teasing. _Gah fuck!_

But Alfred chuckled darkly."Well… don't tell anyone but actually-"

"I'm so very scared and hungry right now, vee! Do you have any pasta?" resounded the unmistakable voice of the one and only Feliciano Vargas, stealth master extraordinaire, from inside the other coffin before Elizabeta could clamp a hand over his mouth.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" the blonde jumped up, propping himself in one elbow. "Did you hear that?"

"Oh fuck me…" Dragos muttered, face palming discreetly._We are SO screwed!_"I didn't hear anything" he lied, this time a bit louder.

"Dude, I swear I heard that Italian, he said something about pasta!" the American shouted ominously. "Do you have like… ghosts in here? What the fuck!" he questioned glancing around with a terrified expression.

"Er… well I don't… but you know Master, it could be a side effect of the dinner you had… " the vampire suggested.

"Maybe… "Alfred still looked somewhat frightened, but was gradually relaxing. "Anyway, what were you saying?" he added with a mischievous grin, suddenly moving on top of his servant and pinning his wrists down.

"Well actually…"

"Aw come on, _that_ I heard quite clear, don't get all shy with me now…" he drawled.

The poor Romanian made a mental note to get his hands on that pasta-brained very distant Italian cousin of his and bleed him dry, while Alfred was more than quick to put his glasses aside and discard all their clothing, tossing them away on the floor.

"Now it's okay to be a little nervous in your situation…"

_What situation? WHAT SITUATION? Ugh!_

"But don't worry, I'm very experienced. Honestly, I've tried everything" Alfred explained reassuringly. This was actually sort of a bad idea.

The vampire's long pale fingers reached up to trace the outline of his jaw as his eyes shone a bright red . "Really? Because I think there may be one thing you have not yet tried… _Master_" Saying that, he pulled the blonde down on top of him and sunk his fangs into his throat. To his surprise, the American moaned softly, obviously enjoying the feeling, fingers gripping and digging into his shoulders.

"A-ah, your mouth… is so hot…" he praised, shifting slowly and grinding their hips together to enhance the sensations in his body.

Eventually the American pulled away as he began to feel rather light headed from the blood loss and captured the Romanian's wrists again, holding them down on each side of his head. The vampire looked sorrowful at the wound on Alfred's neck, now out of his reach and which was already beginning to heal, and licked the remnants of blood off his plump lower lip.

"Mmm… " the other blonde murmured, lowering his head again and brushing his lips against his briefly. "I'd thought it's a pity that you can't blush but in fact… it just makes you look totally… utterly… shameless!"

_Tch!_ "Master, it's getting late…" the servant tried. "What if your brother is looking for you? Maybe you should just-"

But instead of the expected result, Alfred's gaze narrowed dangerously. "Cheeky again, aren't you?" he hissed. "What do you think I am, a cute fluffy bunny? Did you really think I'd let you feed on me and it won't cost a thing?"

"I-I'm sorry…"

"Not helping! So how about I give you a taste of your own medicine now, hm?"

A gasp escaped Dragos' lips when the American attacked his neck with his teeth, biting down as hard as he could, bruising the tender skin, and then moving down to chew onto his collarbone. He jerked his head to the side, eyeing the cane Alfred had left propped against the wall near the door, the movement exposing his throat even more to his Master's ministrations. The vampire felt a cold shudder running down his spine at the sight of the said weapon, the efficiency of which he had experienced on his own skin only a couple of hours earlier. There were only two ways this could go and neither appealed to him at all. He definitely did not want Alfred beating him again and he _sure as hell_ did not want Alfred in his bed either.

_Damn it, if only I had kept my mouth shut! And that stupid Italian and his stupid fucking pasta! _

It didn't help that said Italian and Elizabeta were trapped hiding in the same room and most likely they could hear everything. In fact, it was the _worst thing ever_! He could not refrain from whimpering and squeezing his eyes shut when Alfred's hand reached down to spread his legs open, embarrassment washing over him.

"Why don't you say it, hm?" Master's voice purred, one hand sliding up to play teasingly with his ruby earring, while the other closed around him oh-so-gently and began to rub him, painfully slow.

"S-say what?" the Romanian breathed almost inaudibly, inwardly cursing the stutter and his betraying body, which was clearly beginning to react to the skilled touch. Fangs sunk into his lower lip almost drawing blood as he fought to stifle a moan.

"You know what," Alfred whispered, nibbling his earlobe, "I can tell you'd rather die that admit it, so that's exactly what I want you to do"

"Okay…" The vampire craned his neck up, murmuring the words into his Master's ear, "Okay, I'm a virgin…" Hell, he wanted to die right then and there!

"Ohhhh well, that explains a lot," the other blonde chuckled darkly, suddenly slipping a finger inside his servant and eliciting a soft yelp in response, "Like why you're sooo tight… hey don't bite your lip like that, not just yet!" he added, inserting a second, and then a third finger. In the same time he lowered his head even more, and began to plant feather soft kisses on the Romanian's exposed torso.

_Oh hell!_ Alfred thought he would come right then and there, just by looking up at the strawberry blonde's expression – it was_ that priceless!_ His eyes were closed, his cute, upward tipped nose a bit wrinkled, and he was breathing hard with his mouth slightly open, just enough to expose the tips of his fangs. He wanted to kiss him so badly, but he felt that he so had another bite coming that he decided against it. All his restraint was quickly slipping so he quickly withdrew his fingers and instead gripped the other boy's slender hips and rammed himself in all the way in with one thrust. At the forceful motion, the wooden coffin made a horrible creaking sound.

"A-ah fucking hell! No!" the vampire whimpered, in both pain and embarrassment, his arms suddenly wrapping around Alfred's broad shoulders, nails extending and digging deep into his back. "M-master, keep quiet, p-please!"

"Ow, ow, ow! Dragos, no claws, no claws!" the American whined, wincing in pain and shrugging in an attempt to relieve himself from the other's fingers. "You'll be ok, I promise! You feel better once I start to fu-"

_For FUCK'S SAKE shut up before the whole castle finds out! _the Romanian mentally begged.

The American was cut short when Dragos pulled him down gently, pressing his mouth against his. Alfred was reluctant at first, but eventually gave in and let their tongues fight for dominance. Surprisingly, he allowed the vampire to win that round, seeing how he was winning _everything else_… It was purely insane how conflicted he felt about his servant, who was not very strong but always defiant, apparently a virgin yet a fantastic kisser… and in all honesty Alfred had no idea whether he wanted to hurt him, punish him even more, or just pleasure him… Slowly he resumed his thrusting, slightly shifting his angle, and grinned when the other moaned through the kiss.

"Say it," Alfred teased, pulling away from the other's mouth and burying his face in the crook of his neck, kissing and sucking at the soft skin.

"W-what?"

The other blonde began to thrust harder in reply. "What you _really_ want…"

"Ahnnn…no…" the servant said stubbornly, but immediately let out a soft, very sensual moan, and his legs wrapped around Alfred's waist, making him go deeper.

The American gave a few more strong thrusts before the other boy suddenly covered his mouth with his hand, muffling the profanities that escaped his lips as he finally came, all over their stomachs. He reached his peak almost immediately after, and collapsed down onto the other's panting chest. For a while they both simply relished in the afterglow of sex, the vampire's long fingers caressing Alfred's muscular back absentmindedly.

"So dude, one thing I don't get though…" the American suddenly said, quite loud, "If you were a virgin then how the fuck did you manage to break your other coffin?"

_**OMG… It's bad, isn't it? Darn… failure!fangirl ugh fail… *runs and hides in a hole* **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**~CHAPTER 8 missing fragment~ **_

_**Okay so I'm back with more of this crap, which someone apparently has enjoyed… :)**_

* * *

_It was a glittering pink envelope, sealed with a bright red heart made of something sticky and emanating an unmistakable strawberry scent._

_EVEN IF YOU DON'T SPARKLE…_

_Hey dude! Just wanted to say that I think I have like a crush on you or something!_

_-Love, Alfred-_

_"Oh, for fuck's sake!" he cursed out loud, shoving the letter into his pocket. "I'll just have to deal with this later"_

* * *

"Stupid troll you will not thwart me again!" Dragos shouted as he followed the creature inside. He quickly glanced around the dimly lit bedroom, which was just as big and richly decorated as Arthur's and briefly had a sinister suspicion, just before he spotted the troll diving under the bed.

"Come out of there now, you demented shit!" he demanded, kneeling and lifting the covers. But the troll had already emerged on the other side and now jumped on the Romanian's back, causing him to collapse and slam his head into one of the bed's posters.

"Owww!" The vampire managed to get up just in time to catch a glimpse of the troll's fat behind as he once more darted out the door, this time turning the lock. "What? No!"

"Let me out of here, you mindless beast!" Dragos shouted, although aware it was useless. Judging by how hard the troll was laughing outside, it was obvious that he had no such intention.

_Stupid troll fuck you a million times! _the vampire inwardly cursed pulling at the knob, until the door was unexpectedly swung open.

"Aw dude, I totally knew you'd come!" Alfred stated excited, flashing a broad smile. "See my letters have never failed, not once! By the way, I thought I saw a troll prancing about on the way here, how awesome is that?"

_Yeah, as awesome as fuck!_

"Yes indeed, so maybe I should…" He murmured as he unsuccessfully tried to slip past the American's massive frame.

"Now, now, Dragos…" Alfred said, lifting his chin with two fingers. "What did I say about you being nervous? There's no need…"

He sighed pleased as he took his time observing his servant. Strange enough, the Romanian looked as if he'd just gotten out of bed – his long strawberry blonde strands were ruffled in a rather sexy-messy way and his shirt was partially unbuttoned… See, being the _total ultimate hero_ Alfred Jones knew that his love letter could never have failed, but he assumed that his usually rebellious and stubborn servant had put up some fight against his own desires before he had eventually decided to give up resisting his undeniable charm…

"Why are you fighting it?" the American asked softly with a widening grin, as he scooped up the other boy in his arms unexpectedly and carried him to his king size bed. "If you behave… we won't need to do anything particularly _rough_"

"Master, please…" the vampire whispered, flinching as his back came in contact with the cool bedclothes, even if he knew it was pointless. He was doomed. Again.

Alfred shook his head and removed his bomber jacket, tossing it on the floor as he climbed in bed next to the Romanian. He held out his bare wrist in front of the other's lips. "There, it will make you feel better. I know you're hungry"

_No! Don't do it again! Not again! _the vampire scolded himself inwardly, cursing his lack of self restraint, eyes trained on the other blonde's pulse point. But yes, he was hungry and this was too much – he could even pick up the scent of the addictive, ruby red liquid running hot under the slightly tanned skin, making his mouth water. So he just grabbed the outstretched arm and bit down, almost moaning as the blood invaded his mouth. Closing his eyes, the Romanian drank in pure ecstasy, ignoring the other hand that had pulled off his shirt and was now trailing down his bare torso, eventually reaching and tugging on the hem of his trousers.

Eventually Alfred pulled away his injured wrist and leaned down, capturing his servant's lips – which were still wet with his blood – into a passionate, open-mouthed kiss. It was a tad weird to taste himself this way, but he liked weird. Impatient, he worked to remove the rest of their clothing and pulled back the duvet so they could get more comfortable under it.

"A-ah!" Dragos let out a hiss of pain as the American climbed on top of him, and shifted with a grimace.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I'm sore all over… I took a nasty tumble down the stairs earlier…" the vampire murmured with his eyes closed.

Alfred tsked him. "Hmmm, that's very interesting…. You're sore all over, yet you were ready to tackle a troll…" A small chuckle escaped him as he pressed a finger against the other boy's upward tipped nose. "_My little Dracula_, I think your nose is beginning to grow…" He raised an eyebrow at his servant's tormented expression. "Alright, tell me, where does it hurt?"

The strawberry blonde flinched at the awful pet name. _Oh my God, what the fuck?! _

"Um… my left shoulder" he replied regardless and moaned softly when strong fingers began to rub small circles on the specified spot. It must have been the fresh blood within his system that made it feel so good. Yeah, that's definitely what it was…

"Where else?"

"Ahhn… my knee…" The American promptly attended to the indicated part of the other's body with the same diligence. "Feel any better now?"

"Y-yes, but only a bit" came the very predictable answer and Alfred laughed out loud this time. "Tch, Dragos, your poor little nose… there are two extra inches to it easy… And let me guess, at the end of this _terrible fall_… you landed square on your ass, didn't you?"

The vampire's eyes snapped open and he threw his master an open glare. "No, I didn't fall on my ass," he said dryly.

"Oh good, I was worried…" Master whispered still amused and leaned down for another kiss, a hand stroking over the Romanian's collarbone and reaching down to tease a nipple by squeezing it gently. He smirked against the other boy's lips as he felt sharp fingers reaching up to dig into his back, and pulled away, letting his mouth travel south, eventually stopping to lick and tease the vampire's bellybutton. His own fingers sneaked down, strategically avoiding the 'vital regions', and thrust into his entrance, preparing him.

"Nghhh…" The other blonde moaned out loud, inwardly cursing his treacherous body, which was once more shamelessly reacting to his master's skilled touch. Alfred pinned his wrists down on either side of his head and slammed himself in all the way, instantly grinning as he saw his servant's fangs sinking into his lower lip. He gave a few slow thrusts before he found himself suddenly pushed backwards to sit up.

"Better… that's better…" the vampire whispered, straddling his lap and keeping the same slow, torturous rhythm. "My back was hurting too…" he added, lowering his mouth down to muffle the other boy's chuckle. The American complied for a while, massaging the strawberry blonde's back in rhythm with his pumping.

"Fucking hell… when did you get _that good_ at this?" he panted pulling back for air, "W-when did you get that good _period_? You're like my own brand of heroine…" Not resisting any longer, he pushed his servant back flat on the bed and sped up his movements. "I'm sorry… about your back…ah!"

"N-no more…." Dragos moaned, wrapping his legs around the American's waist to shift the angle, "no more f-fucking Twilight stuff…"

A few strong thrusts later they both came almost in the same time, calling out each other's name. The vampire wasn't very sure whether Alfred had actually said his name or had called him that horrid pet name again, but the fuck with it…

"So dude… what's wrong with Twilight anyway?"

"It sucks!"

"Well duh! It's a vampire movie…"

_**OMG done it even worse this time…. #^%&*^* Feel free to flame, troll, etc. *runs back in the hole***_


End file.
